Standing here solidly on my own two hands and going crazy

 Sunday was a DAY.  Weird, at times stressful, with bouts of cranky-inducement.

First, this guy decided we needed to start our day at six AM.

I was able to spend some time with the Porch Kitties (SINCE WE WERE AWAKE SO EARLY); Shadow got to experience canned tuna, though Syd would not share her can with him.  It was still cool enough (this week's temps are all mid to upper 90s, so I wanted to take advantage while we could), it was neighbor-free and relatively quiet - Except for the murder of crows (at least 20 swarming the skies), and a very emphatic bird of prey.

 

I decided Sunday was the day I was finally going to make a trans pride cake, so that was next.  Because it was going to be a five-layer affair, we'd picked up some disposable pans...only discovering after the second set of cakes came out of the oven that one of the pairs was slightly different from the others - scalloped rather than straight edges - and this just made me cranky.  

See, I hate everything to do with cake decorating.  I LOVE baking.  I just take zero pleasure from the outer details. I know it has a lot to do with unresolved crap with my mom, but that doesn't change how I feel about it. 
So I knew I was going to have one layer that was going to stick out, and it just turned my mood. 

But I kept going, and with enough buttercream as Spackle, I think it turned out Ok.

 

                   

This project, plus the laminated biscuits I made for dinner and the early start, left me exhausted but not TIRED.
So I was up long after the guys had gone to bed.  

I was just about to wash up when I noticed something on my peripheral.  

SPIDER.

SPIDER.

SPIDER!

Extreme arachnophobia here, so...

I know it's all tiny things, but it's a bunch of tiny things that added up to A LOT, ok?

I boycotted Monday.  I couldn't risk it.

Labels: baking, cakes, cats, dogs, food, personal, trans pride, trans rights, tw: spiders, updates

 

That's what Derry thinks.

Labels: Derrynane. Derry, dogs, puppies

Labels: Derrynane, dogs, Malainn, puppies, Rahara

 

I meant to to get to this a few days ago. Really.

It's the 'thing' to do, right? A reflection post, all the stuff you've done/seen/consumed?

 

I can't promise a complete list, but here we go.

 

Books

 

I read a lot. I mean, a lot.

 

I use GoodReads to keep track of my reading - it's useful for things like "oh, this book sounds interesting, lemme check my GR list and see if I've read this author before". 

 

I also do the reading challenge; last year, I set 160 books as my goal.

I ended the year with 207 read.  

48,852 pages read.  Some of them didn't suck. There were definitely some stinkers, but that's all part of the joy of reading.  Finding the jewels among the rocks.

TV

I'm watching less TV every year. Part of it stems from Alex essentially commandeering the screen for video games, but honestly, what I want to watch is narrowing. I don't want to give my free time to unpleasant people. So that eliminates a ...lot. 

I thought Ms. Marvel was fantastic.  She-Hulk was a delight. Moon Knight was...ok, but I was coming into the series with zero knowledge of the character (other than a panel or two in a Wolverine comic). 

I loved Dalgliesh! Because it was set in the 1970s, I was worried, going in, that it was be 'gritty' and unpleasant, but it's actually quite beautiful. Smart and thoughtful. So glad we're getting two more seasons. 

I watched a slightly silly but charming series called Recipes for Love & Murder.  Cozy mystery plus food porn. 

I also enjoyed Queens of Mystery - I can best describe it as if Murder, She Wrote and Midsomer Mysteries had a fling with Pushing Daisies. 

And, of course, lots and lots and lots of baseball. So much baseball.  

Films

Not nearly as much to report here. And there's the issue of 'what is time? aka When did I actually watch this thing?'

I did just see Glass Onion!  Oh, what a brilliant movie. It's been days and I'm still thinking about it.

Holy crap. Is that the only thing I watched? Or at least, the only 'new' movie I watched. Yikes. 

I'm still waiting for things like Everything Everywhere All At Once and Wakanda Forever, and I'm sure there a handful of others I meant to watch eventually.  I'm often too tired and/or in pain to sit through a film, alas.  

Misc

Otherwise, I'm still here!  That's an accomplishment.  I'm still doing the cooking and baking.  Still being adored by the dogs. 

I don't 'do' resolutions, though I'm cool with "I'd like to's".  

So, this year: more books, obviously.  Books keep me going. Always have. 

More hobbies!  Not sure what they'll be, but I need to get the brain engaged.  The body may not work as it should, but the mind (mostly?!) does. 

Finish the current WIP.  This book is good. I can feel it. And it needs to be written.  I just need to get past my crippling low self-esteem and imposter syndrome. Definitely a goal. 

 

I guess that's it? Maybe finish with some pics of the dogs!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Labels: books, dogs, life, movies, TV, updates

 

 

 

Saying "Happy Holidays!" doesn't erase Christmas.

It does, however, allow you to share good wishes with those who don't celebrate Christ/Santa day.

 

I'd rather be someone who makes the world a warmer, more loving place than someone who clings so desperately to the idea that their point of view is the only one that matters.

But hey.

That's just me.

Labels: christmas, holidays, personal, psa

 

My current WIP is slow-going, thanks to self-loathing/low self-esteem/an epic case of Imposter Syndrome, but words are being put on page. Finally.

I started a new scene last night, the beginning of a chapter, and as I started writing, it dawned on me that the words in front of me weren't the ones I thought I'd write. 

It's a flashback scene. It was to be told from the PoV of the main character. I'd hashed it out the night before while I was in bed and very much not sleeping. I knew what was going to happen, what was to bed said.

But as I was typing last night, a secondary character took over. 

 

 

Suddenly, it was their PoV. Their feelings and observations. 

The story was still being told, but from a different perspective. 

And I think the character pushed their way to the front because I'd not yet gotten around to establishing their personality, or giving them enough to say. 

It's only the...4th? 5th? chapter!  I was getting to them!  But they were impatient, and took over.

The thing is, it works. It not only gives them a chance to shine, their take on the main character brings even more meaning to the story, and their relationship. 

You can plot and plan and outline all you want. Sometimes, the story has other ideas.  And you need to loosen your grip on the wheel.

Labels: novels, story telling, wips, writing

 It was a rock lobster!

Stuck in my head for over a week. 

But not the full song. No.  Just the opening riff. 

Sometimes there are breaks, and my brain plays Snow Patrol's Chocolate.  Or Walk Off The Earth's GnR cover.
Occasionally, Pink's latest pops in there.

But then it's back to the B-52's.  

Labels: b-52's, brain radio, music, pink, snow patrol, Walk off the Earth

My friend asked 'What's on your nightstand?' on Twitter (as you do), and I never got around to answering. 

Until now.

Let's see.  Gwenda Bond's books Not Your Average Hot Guy and The Date From Hell (highly recommend, btw). My phone. A bottle of grapefruit sparkling ICE water. Wonder Woman headphones. A couple bottles of nail polish. A mostly empty box of Refresh Celluvisc eye drops. A stack of alcohol pad wipes, for cleaning the mask.  A bottle of Cryofreeze Sport Icy Cold Roll On. A little boxlet of Listerine mouthwash strips, which I pop into my mouth before going under the mask.  A small box of Demeter samples - their dark flower collection is amazing. 

Wonder Woman table lamp. A retro-style clock, which is brilliant - the alarm wakes you with light. It builds slowly until it's at full blast, then it starts flashing.  So much easier to get up when you're not being yelled at. 

A can of Febreze Air Effects, because when you have dogs and a closed room, things can turn toxic.  Sometimes, those cute pups emit gases that smell like sauerkraut!  

GenTeal Tears Night Time Ointment tubes in varying stages of emptiness. 

And of course, the machine that keeps me alive, my BiPap.  Covered by a pillowcase, to block the light that brightens the room, and no one wants that kind of glow when they're trying to sleep. 

 

What's on yours?

Labels: nightstand, personal, random, things

 

 

This past week has been great. Matt's off work, and with him around, I've actually been able to cross off things from my to-do list. Between the low energy levels and 24/7 pain, I have to budget my tasks.
As much as I haaaate needing and asking for help, that's my reality now. And I am grateful for it, even if a part of me is angry that it's even necessary.

Holiday cards are done and awaiting stamps (ordered from the USPS website)

Gifts have been wrapped, with the Great Present Migration already in process (they'll show up wrapped, promise!).  We're getting our tree Sunday, which means trimming Monday followed by gift-placing after.

I've been making chocolates, with Matt handling sous vide duties for tempering. 

 

We've also had time to just...chill.  Hanging out in bed with the dogs, watching the Donna Hay Christmas special on Disney.  We played Castle Panic. Talked.
There never seems to be enough time to just BE together, so that's been fantastic.

This weekend, more chocolates and, hopefully, the start of Merry Cookie Season.

However, I'm planning on getting my Covid booster and flu shot either Monday or Tuesday.  And I'm always the lucky sort who gets totally flattened by these things, meaning this upcoming week will be a total loss.

There's so much frustration, knowing you have 'X' amount to give, and once that's used up, you're done. And that it's not even a standard 'X'. One day, I could feel almost human - 70% energy supply. Another, simply thinking about getting out of bed to use the bathroom makes me want to cry.


I'm not good at idle.  It feels like I'm wasting time. And I know there's a whole lot of trauma and needed therapy behind that, but it doesn't change the fact that not being able to do things only makes the situation worse.

So, do the thing I need to do for my health, and that of those I love...and be (feel) useless for days.  But I can't bake when I'm in pain!

Eh. Rambling and complaining, I know. I wouldn't if I thought anyone was still reading this thing.

Labels: health, personal, updates

 

Go to Google, and search for 'dog'. On the right side, there'll be a paw.  Click it.

Trust me. 

Do the same for 'cat'. 

You can thank me later.

Labels: cats, dogs, mindless fun, puppies

 

I'm battling a lot of emotions right now.

There's a really good chance Twitter is about to explode...and I'm not handling it well.

Ok, I am. Because that's just how I do things.  But internally I AM NOT OK.

I have been so very isolated, so extremely lonely, since this stupid, super-rare, incurable and un-treatable disease has taken over, and Twitter was my way to connect with people who weren't currently living in my house. 

I joined because one of my food blogging friends was there, and she was using it more than her actual blog. And hey, more food friends were around!

Then I found comics people.  And art people.  And animal lovers and ...everyone. I made friends. I had daily conversations with people. We shared parts of our lives (curated, for the most part, but it was something!), we laughed and raged and it alleviated some of the sadness and boredom. 

And with its very swift decline and (most likely) demise, I'm thinking of all the people I'll probably never see or hear from again. And how empty my life is going to feel. And I AM NOT OK.

It makes me angry that this horrid, rich, entitled actual villain can burn to the ground something so vital to the lives of so many.  And it won't mean anything to him in the end. 

So, I'm feeling a lot of things.  Mostly grief.  Not because of Twitter, exactly. But what it's symbolized: a lifeline.  I'm going to miss it in a very real and painful way. 

AND I AM NOT OK. 

Labels: grief, health, loneliness, personal, sadness, twitter

 

 

Matt colored my hair last night.  The last round, we discovered we only had blue dye, not the usual purple, so that's what we went with.

 

But I didn't love it as much (still looked cool), and it didn't seem to have the same staying power, so we grabbed a box of Tanzanite over the weekend, and tried again. 

And ended up with this really cool, three-tone look that I am seriously digging. Some strands have both blue and purple in them! 

Also, rolled the wet locks up in pin curls, hence the waves.

Labels: beauty, blue, dye, hair, hair color, personal, purple

 (shakes fist at the sky))

We started using a new insurance provider this month (Matt's company has been sold/merged too many times to remember), and it looks decent. 

Except for an obvious 'Deny Every Claim/Make Them Beg-Fight For Benefits' policy.

Sigh.

Already, they've denied coverage for both of my oxygen machines, claiming them not medically necessary. I can assure you: they are VERY necessary. 

So it's off to a hastily-scheduled pulmonologist visit next week, who will hopefully be able to convince our insurer that yes, without those machines, I would not survive. 

Fun!

 It's dusty over here!

 

I know.  It's been a while.  I think it's mostly my unhappiness with the way this thing formats (I don't remember it being this clunky years ago!), but I suppose it's equally due to, frankly, not knowing what to say.

 

Alex isn't a little kid anymore - he'll be 20 in a few months (yikes). Fewer stories and antics to report.

 

My declining health is something no one really wants to hear about, and as I no longer leave the house unless I have a doctor's appointment, there's not a lot of external stuff happening. 

Let's see...I'm writing. Actual, full-length novel writing.  Even if no one else is reading it!

 

I've reading a lot.  Set this year's GoodReads goal at 160, and I'm currently at 204.  So, yeah. 

 

Always cooking, always baking.  Constantly pushing myself and trying new things there (I suppose I'll be giving the food blog a bit of housekeeping, too).  

 

I started wrapping holiday gifts! ...Mostly so I can ship them to other people, as this house has zero storage. 

We have a cat. Sort of.  

 

 

 

I'm more than happy to catch up with anyone who wants, just not sure what to say at the moment.

 

This post brought to you be everyone freaking out over Twitter.

Labels: catching up, life, personal, updates

Labels: life, personal, random thoughts, status update

                                                                     I never knew him.






                                      To this day, I still don't know that much about him.




                               I've often wondered about that AU, the one where I grew up with him.





           I think about all the things I missed, and how a less-traumatic childhood might have affected me.

                                                           Today is not my favorite day.

Labels: Father's Day, memories

An artist of whom I am fond was doing pet portraits, and I couldn't resist.









They're by Corinne Roberts - aren't they adorable??

Labels: art, artists, dogs, pets, portraits, puppies

Dua Lipa's new album, Future Nostalgia, is out and it is FANTASTIC.

But I am really digging "Boys Will Be Boys".

That's it.

That's the post.  (Go listen.)

Labels: CDs, Dua Lipa, Future Nostalgia, music, records

Something to make your Monday better - Derrynane, Rahara, and Malainn.

Labels: Derrynane, dogs, good dogs, Malainn, puppies, puppy cuteness, Rahara, The Pack

I thought, since it's been ages since we've talked, and as we could all use some good stuff in our lives right now, I'd share some things I've been loving.

Nothing too terribly 'new', maybe, but all excellent!

(I'm not going to link to sellers, but check out independent ones if you can. Bezos has enough of our money.)

Books

Storykiller - Kelly Thompson

This book. Oh, my gosh.  Easily one of my favorites.  I put it up there with Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next series.
Where fictional characters are real, and so is the danger.  But full of fun and snark .

Alif the Unseen - G. Willow Wilson

I'm not even sure how to describe this one, but it's deep and intense, and beautiful. 

The Lois Lane trilogy - Gwenda Bond

A YA series, set when Lois moves to Metropolis.  And her investigative reporter instincts are firmly in place.
Oh, and there's this 'Smallville' guy she met online...


Moving on to comics!

Saga - Brian K. Vaughn and Fiona Staples

Such a gorgeous series, with fascinating, complicated characters.  And Lying Cat!

Velvet - Ed Brubaker and Steve Epting

This one; oh my.  I love this book so much, even if we have to wait for the next arc!

Secrets, spies, intrigue.  Older (meaning, not 20) woman being amazing. 

Lazarus - Greg Rucka and Michael Lark

Ooh.  A little too on the nose right now, but maybe that's what we need.

A (possible) look at our future, where a few wealthy families own everything, resources are scarce, and people are are considered 'waste'. 

Bitch Planet - Kelly Sue DeConnick and Valentine De Landro

Another one that might be hard to read right now, but also one that NEEDS to be read. 
 
Men have all the power, and women have to fall in line - or be sent to Bitch Planet.  Scary how real it feels right now!


Ok, moving on.

TV

So many good shows out there now!

Wynonna Earp

If you follow me on social media, you know this show is my jam. 

It sounds wacky and impossible, but it's funny and clever, inclusive and compelling. And has the best, most uplifting fanbase I've ever encountered.

Killjoys 

Space! Adventure! Lots of ladies being awesome!  What more do you need?

Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries 

I'm sure everyone's heard of it by now, but it's truly a fantastic series (loosely based on the books by Kerry Greenwood).
And you've just enough time to binge the series (3 seasons) before the movie's released!

Legends of Tomorrow

Yep, it's a superhero show, but not like any you've seen before. 

I always tell people to stick with it; the first season is a bit clunky, and it's clear they weren't sure where they were going. 
But then? They embrace the weird and wacky, and it never fails to delight. 


 Movies

 I don't get out much these days, so my movie-watching is limited.  

But!

Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harly Quinn

What a riot!  So much fun.  The action was amazing, the ladies were seriously kick-ass, and I cannot wait to watch again (which I will be doing on the 24th).  

I am very much looking forward to the new Wonder Woman film, too.

Ok; that's it for now!

Let me know what you've been enjoying.  

Labels: books, Killjoys, Legends of Tomorrow, Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries, movies, TV, Wynonna Earp

Well.

Hi.

It's been some time, hasn't it?

Five and a half years!



I know, I know.

Life got complicated. And the blog just became less of a priority.

So I guess you're due for an update!



Where to begin?

Alex recently turned seventeen.

I KNOW.

That sweet little guy is growing up! And I do mean up.

He's pushing 6'4"!!

Our dog situation has changed over the years. We went from five to three to two and now back to three.

Meet The Pack.



Malainn is my sweet baby girl.

When we lost Donegal, I was bereft. And then we found her.



This is Derrynane.

He's a tremendous goof, but super-loving. Always happy.



And Rahara.

Matt calls him The Little Prince, and it's fitting.















What else is new?

I've been doing the Good Reads challenge; this year, the goal is 110 books. I came close to that last year, and this time, I'm also re-reading the Agatha Christie catalog (celebrating 100 years), which gives me plenty of material.

Speaking of books - I wrote one!

Let me back up.

Three years ago, I participated in NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to commit to writing, every day, in November, with a 50,000 word count by the end. With luck, you'll have a finished novel.

The first year, I did fairly well. The novel's a bit rough, and I'm planning to go back for some serious revisions. But I liked the characters, setting, and plot, so I feel it's worth the effort.

The second year...there were other factors in play, and I didn't finish. Lost the thread, and just never went back.

So last year I was determined to do better.

And I did.

Exceeded word count, finished before the end of the month. And the best, most shocking part? I liked it. I mean, I really, really liked it.

So much so, I went back, and edited. Revised. Again and again.

And I still liked it.

Now? It's in the hands of five 'beta' readers, if you will.

I'm not saying you're going to find it on the shelves of your local book seller, but I'm stupidly proud of it.

I'm also teaming up with an artist friend, who liked a fic I wrote (my very first!) so much, he wants to turn it into a web comic. So that's happening.

Since we last chatted, I've become the biggest Earper.



Never before have I found a fan community so delightfully open and supportive. And the show is everything I could want. (Only Legends of Tomorrow comes close.)

Still cooking and baking (seriously considering restarting that blog, too); I'm always covered in flour.

Some health issues that are, frankly, sucky, but that's for another time.

Anyway, odds are good I'll be posting here again. No promises as to how regularly, but anything's better than not.

Take care of yourselves. Wash your hands. Stay home if you can. Binge lots of awesome TV. Read books. Play games.

Labels: dogs, life, puppies, status updates, updates

It's that three week period of pure joy - when neither the air conditioner nor the furnace is running and the house is cool, comfortable and, most importantly, quiet.

Labels: fall

We, once again, catered Alex's class Halloween party.

That includes some sort of game and/or activity.



In the past, we've had them decorate sugar skulls and paint Day of the Dead skull magnets.
But this year, we figured they were old enough to skip the craft and go straight to the games.



Dice games.

Zombie Dice and Cthulhu Dice. 

Which they loved.

Boo. and Yah.