Standing here solidly on my own two hands and going crazy

 Sunday was a DAY.  Weird, at times stressful, with bouts of cranky-inducement.

First, this guy decided we needed to start our day at six AM.

I was able to spend some time with the Porch Kitties (SINCE WE WERE AWAKE SO EARLY); Shadow got to experience canned tuna, though Syd would not share her can with him.  It was still cool enough (this week's temps are all mid to upper 90s, so I wanted to take advantage while we could), it was neighbor-free and relatively quiet - Except for the murder of crows (at least 20 swarming the skies), and a very emphatic bird of prey.

I decided Sunday was the day I was finally going to make a trans pride cake, so that was next.  Because it was going to be a five-layer affair, we'd picked up some disposable pans...only discovering after the second set of cakes came out of the oven that one of the pairs was slightly different from the others - scalloped rather than straight edges - and this just made me cranky.  

See, I hate everything to do with cake decorating.  I LOVE baking.  I just take zero pleasure from the outer details. I know it has a lot to do with unresolved crap with my mom, but that doesn't change how I feel about it. 
So I knew I was going to have one layer that was going to stick out, and it just turned my mood. 

But I kept going, and with enough buttercream as Spackle, I think it turned out Ok.

This project, plus the laminated biscuits I made for dinner and the early start, left me exhausted but not TIRED.
So I was up long after the guys had gone to bed.  

I was just about to wash up when I noticed something on my peripheral.  

SPIDER.

SPIDER.

SPIDER!

Extreme arachnophobia here, so...

I know it's all tiny things, but it's a bunch of tiny things that added up to A LOT, ok?

I boycotted Monday.  I couldn't risk it.

Labels: baking, cakes, cats, dogs, food, personal, trans pride, trans rights, tw: spiders, updates

Saying "Happy Holidays!" doesn't erase Christmas.

It does, however, allow you to share good wishes with those who don't celebrate Christ/Santa day.

I'd rather be someone who makes the world a warmer, more loving place than someone who clings so desperately to the idea that their point of view is the only one that matters.

But hey.

That's just me.

Labels: christmas, holidays, personal, psa

My friend asked 'What's on your nightstand?' on Twitter (as you do), and I never got around to answering. 

Until now.

Let's see.  Gwenda Bond's books Not Your Average Hot Guy and The Date From Hell (highly recommend, btw). My phone. A bottle of grapefruit sparkling ICE water. Wonder Woman headphones. A couple bottles of nail polish. A mostly empty box of Refresh Celluvisc eye drops. A stack of alcohol pad wipes, for cleaning the mask.  A bottle of Cryofreeze Sport Icy Cold Roll On. A little boxlet of Listerine mouthwash strips, which I pop into my mouth before going under the mask.  A small box of Demeter samples - their dark flower collection is amazing. 

Wonder Woman table lamp. A retro-style clock, which is brilliant - the alarm wakes you with light. It builds slowly until it's at full blast, then it starts flashing.  So much easier to get up when you're not being yelled at. 

A can of Febreze Air Effects, because when you have dogs and a closed room, things can turn toxic.  Sometimes, those cute pups emit gases that smell like sauerkraut!  

GenTeal Tears Night Time Ointment tubes in varying stages of emptiness. 

And of course, the machine that keeps me alive, my BiPap.  Covered by a pillowcase, to block the light that brightens the room, and no one wants that kind of glow when they're trying to sleep. 

What's on yours?

Labels: nightstand, personal, random, things

This past week has been great. Matt's off work, and with him around, I've actually been able to cross off things from my to-do list. Between the low energy levels and 24/7 pain, I have to budget my tasks.
As much as I haaaate needing and asking for help, that's my reality now. And I am grateful for it, even if a part of me is angry that it's even necessary.

Holiday cards are done and awaiting stamps (ordered from the USPS website)

Gifts have been wrapped, with the Great Present Migration already in process (they'll show up wrapped, promise!).  We're getting our tree Sunday, which means trimming Monday followed by gift-placing after.

I've been making chocolates, with Matt handling sous vide duties for tempering. 

We've also had time to just...chill.  Hanging out in bed with the dogs, watching the Donna Hay Christmas special on Disney.  We played Castle Panic. Talked.
There never seems to be enough time to just BE together, so that's been fantastic.

This weekend, more chocolates and, hopefully, the start of Merry Cookie Season.

However, I'm planning on getting my Covid booster and flu shot either Monday or Tuesday.  And I'm always the lucky sort who gets totally flattened by these things, meaning this upcoming week will be a total loss.

There's so much frustration, knowing you have 'X' amount to give, and once that's used up, you're done. And that it's not even a standard 'X'. One day, I could feel almost human - 70% energy supply. Another, simply thinking about getting out of bed to use the bathroom makes me want to cry.


I'm not good at idle.  It feels like I'm wasting time. And I know there's a whole lot of trauma and needed therapy behind that, but it doesn't change the fact that not being able to do things only makes the situation worse.

So, do the thing I need to do for my health, and that of those I love...and be (feel) useless for days.  But I can't bake when I'm in pain!

Eh. Rambling and complaining, I know. I wouldn't if I thought anyone was still reading this thing.

Labels: health, personal, updates

I'm battling a lot of emotions right now.

There's a really good chance Twitter is about to explode...and I'm not handling it well.

Ok, I am. Because that's just how I do things.  But internally I AM NOT OK.

I have been so very isolated, so extremely lonely, since this stupid, super-rare, incurable and un-treatable disease has taken over, and Twitter was my way to connect with people who weren't currently living in my house. 

I joined because one of my food blogging friends was there, and she was using it more than her actual blog. And hey, more food friends were around!

Then I found comics people.  And art people.  And animal lovers and ...everyone. I made friends. I had daily conversations with people. We shared parts of our lives (curated, for the most part, but it was something!), we laughed and raged and it alleviated some of the sadness and boredom. 

And with its very swift decline and (most likely) demise, I'm thinking of all the people I'll probably never see or hear from again. And how empty my life is going to feel. And I AM NOT OK.

It makes me angry that this horrid, rich, entitled actual villain can burn to the ground something so vital to the lives of so many.  And it won't mean anything to him in the end. 

So, I'm feeling a lot of things.  Mostly grief.  Not because of Twitter, exactly. But what it's symbolized: a lifeline.  I'm going to miss it in a very real and painful way. 

AND I AM NOT OK. 

Labels: grief, health, loneliness, personal, sadness, twitter

Matt colored my hair last night.  The last round, we discovered we only had blue dye, not the usual purple, so that's what we went with.

But I didn't love it as much (still looked cool), and it didn't seem to have the same staying power, so we grabbed a box of Tanzanite over the weekend, and tried again. 

And ended up with this really cool, three-tone look that I am seriously digging. Some strands have both blue and purple in them! 

Also, rolled the wet locks up in pin curls, hence the waves.

Labels: beauty, blue, dye, hair, hair color, personal, purple

 It's dusty over here!

I know.  It's been a while.  I think it's mostly my unhappiness with the way this thing formats (I don't remember it being this clunky years ago!), but I suppose it's equally due to, frankly, not knowing what to say.

Alex isn't a little kid anymore - he'll be 20 in a few months (yikes). Fewer stories and antics to report.

My declining health is something no one really wants to hear about, and as I no longer leave the house unless I have a doctor's appointment, there's not a lot of external stuff happening. 

Let's see...I'm writing. Actual, full-length novel writing.  Even if no one else is reading it!

I've reading a lot.  Set this year's GoodReads goal at 160, and I'm currently at 204.  So, yeah. 

Always cooking, always baking.  Constantly pushing myself and trying new things there (I suppose I'll be giving the food blog a bit of housekeeping, too).  

I started wrapping holiday gifts! ...Mostly so I can ship them to other people, as this house has zero storage. 

We have a cat. Sort of.  

I'm more than happy to catch up with anyone who wants, just not sure what to say at the moment.

This post brought to you be everyone freaking out over Twitter.

Labels: catching up, life, personal, updates

Labels: life, personal, random thoughts, status update